Monday, December 15, 2008

Where's your pain?

What makes you crazy about your fitness? Is it the way you look? Is it the way you feel? Do you hate not being able to keep up with your kids? Do you resent the perky girl in the office down the hall?

Where's your pain? Is it enough to make the decision to change what you don't like?

At this time last year, my pain was my impending 40th birthday. My husband & I decided we would celebrate my birthday in Jamaica and my goal was to make people say..."No way, you're not 40"...guess what, it worked. Unfortunately for me, my goal didn't run deep enough to make a continual change. As a matter of fact, I had also decided that I wanted to compete in a figure competition. Unfortunately for me, I hadn't chosen the best coach for me. I really wanted to make her happy and even though I knew that her methods were neither current, sound or appropriate for me, I used her plan.

In looking back, I can say I definitely was cut but my psyche was a mess and I was doing it for reasons that didn't reach beneath the surface that would allow for lifelong change of habit. I'm sure you're may be thinking.."you're a personal trainer, what are do you mean you don't have good habits". Yup, I have the knowledge but I haven't always isolated my pain to keep me motivated for the RIGHT REASONS.

I have a young son who is diagnosed with autism and in the thick of my training and cutting for the figure competition, my little guy was preparing to go to kindergarten and his needs and behaviors were skyrocketing. I was cracking up. I made the decision 2 weeks before the competition that the right thing to do was to invest my time into my little guy..not my physique.
I felt horrible because I thought I was disappointing other people. The reality was that my road was supposed to shift. I needed to be available to him. Unfortunately, I slacked off on my routine, my eating, my supplements and became overwhelmed in the process of being a case manager for him. The morning of September 23rd, the sudden change of habit, the stress and the lack of stress management resulted in what appeared to be a stroke. My husband took me to the emergency room and I felt the horror and the fear of "what if". I have 2 small children and 3 step children. I couldn't lose this, I needed them and they needed me. I've never been so scared. About 12 hours after the start of the stroke symptoms and many tests, it was revealed that I had an "atypical" migraine. Those 2 days in the hospital made me realize that the body and the person that I was trying to attain didn't fit my soul. What I believe fits my soul is balance and health to represent and maintain a presence in the life of my family. Would I like to drop 15 pounds and turn heads..sure! But if it means that I have to sacrifice my time with my amazing husband and beautiful kids so I can spend 4 hours a day in the gym...not a chance.

My pain, my goal this year is to be fantastically healthy. I really want to live to see all that the world has to bring to my kids and experience it with them. If I can be a role model for others, that's even better.

So I ask you, where's your pain and what are you going to do about it?

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